Competition for inclusion in the Guinness Book Of Records is always fierce, and some achievements go unnoticed, to the detriment of the talented people who have set down many great milestones. We are proud to hail the following feats which missed the cut for the 2017 Edition.
Most Snakes Fondled In 1 Hour (Non-Venomous)
197 by Mr. F. Silverman of Newport, Gwent.
Most Snakes Fondled In 1 Hour (Venomous)
14 by Mr. A. Simons (dec.) of Newtown, Powys.
Most Mince Pies Stacked In A Telephone Kiosk*
17, 433 by Ms. G. Fell of Windsor, Berks.
* Standard BT phone box, no Internet access.
Most World Records Held Simultaneously
23 by Mr. D. Culpepper of Bath, Avon.
Greatest Number Of Failed World Record Attempts
965 by Mr. D. Culpepper of Bath, Avon. (The attempts were for the record for Whole Buffalo Eating).
Most Trees Hugged In 1 Hour
202 by Sky of no fixed abode.
Largest Bogie (Single Pick)
2.3g by Mr. A. Dawson of Aberfeldy, Scotland.
17 hr 22 min 16 sec by Miss J. Lanzarote of Culham, Oxfordshire. The dancer used a continuously looped tape of “Just A Little Bit” by Gina G.
Do not attempt to repeat this record.
Longest Telephone Conversation
81 days, 16 hours, 12 min, 51 sec by Mrs. B. Vileda of Plymouth, Devon, to her cousin in Sydney, Australia.
Biggest Declared Bankruptcy (Personal)
£3,119,729 by Mrs. B. Vileda of Plymouth, Devon.
Fastest Haircut Using A Fish*
4 hr 8 min 32 sec by Miss K. Plimsoll of the “Hair Today Gone Tomorrow” salon, Birmingham, West Midlands. The fish used was a young salmon.
* Must be a uniform crew-cut, 1cm.
Poorest Frank Spencer Impression
Mr. H. Xavier of Puddlewick, Norfolk.
Longest Ever Sleepwalk
17 miles 42 yards by N. Bartlett of Waverham, Cheshire.
Most Atrocious Spelling On An Exam Paper
During his GCSE English, June 2001, Barry Grinch of London spelt “cat” as “qwuigegqpppp%”.
He failed the exam.
Highest Number Of Repeated Viewings Of “Star Wars” (No Girlfriend)
641 (to date) by Mr. W. Kitsch of Banbury, Oxfordshire.
Highest Number Of Repeated Viewings Of “Star Wars” (Girlfriend)
17 by Mr. S. Mulligatawny of Basingstoke, Hampshire.
Longest Kiss – Human-Butterfly (No Tongues)*
16 min 41 sec by Mr. G. Laundry of Waltham, Essex.
* The butterfly must not be restrained in any way.
Shortest Time To Visit All “Little Chef” Restaurants*
3 days, 9 hr, 9 min by Mrs. C. Hunder of Swansea, W. Glamorgan.
* Minimum order per restaurant is tea and toasted muffin. Meal must be finished and paid for before leaving establishment.
Most Consecutive Queue Jumps Without Receiving A Black Eye
92 by Walter Zok of Pirbright, Hampshire.
2,188 different names in 47 min 12 sec by Miss F. Wart of Walsall, West Midlands.
Trained goldfish therapists are of course on hand at all times.
Worst Attempt To Draw A House (Pencil & Paper)
Mr. B. Meltwater of Thetford, Norfolk stepped away from the pencil and paper and drove to Uruguay dressed as George C Scott, where he took an overdose of fried squid.
Most Car Parks Yodelled In
To date, Mr. S. Zanzibar of Rusholme, Manchester, has yodelled in 1,652 car parks in 18 countries.
Worst Restaurant Menu (Viable Establishment)
The “Traveller’s Choice Bistro” on the A599 in Devon has remained open for sixteen years serving solely,
Piping Hot Moths Wings or A late charcoal sketch by Monet