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No Way Forward – Ch.1

No Way Forward – Ch.1

‘Shields!’ The urgency of the command was not lost on the Ensign, but he was nevertheless fractionally too late to prevent the first blast reverberating through the ship. ‘Shields, Ensign. Now!’ repeated the authoritative voice, but by then the command was superfluous. The fingers dancing over the keypad had already entered the required sequence, and the force field was activated. ‘Shields up, Captain,’ informed the Ensign. Captain Jol Markson turned from the viewscreen to face his First Officer. ‘Damage?’ ‘Hull…

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How Many Yellows Are There?

How Many Yellows Are There?

“How Many Yellows Are There?” ‘There are seventeen,’ said the salesman. Cameron Beg nodded. ‘Would you like to see the colour chart?’ continued the salesman, Simon Gillfish. Gillfish was a slim man with […] Continue Reading…

The New Flag

The New Flag

The New Flag ‘What about a buffalo?’ asked Grig, shaven-headed focus of the New Flag Committee. ‘Buffalo?’ Jones, the smartly-dressed Home Minister was perplexed. ‘You know, a nice big fierce buffalo. In […] Continue Reading…

Igbad’s Rollerblading Stunts

Igbad’s Rollerblading Stunts

Igbad’s Rollerblading Stunts In 2011, Tarik Igbad of the Czech Republic was crowned World Rollerblading Champion. Little is known of this diminutive and foreign genius, but his enthusiasm and dedication […] Continue Reading…

Drominivich’s Fourth

Drominivich’s Fourth

Drominivich’s Fourth The works of little-known composer Ilya Drominivich, often regarded as impenetrably complex in their orchestration, have been the subject of little enlightening scrutinisation since his death in 1975. […] Continue Reading…

Weather Ant

Weather Ant

Weather Ant For many generations, mankind has sought to forecast the weather, whether it be for personal interest or the public good. To put the latest development into context, we […] Continue Reading…

Advanced Sexual Positions

Advanced Sexual Positions

“The Illuminator” Good for  :  Reducing the “To Do” list Not recommended for  :  Use outdoors, overweight couples The man stands on the chair (recommend a sturdy kitchen-type chair, no wheels or […] Continue Reading…

Alphabet Soup

Alphabet Soup

Alphabet Soup   Tallyjohn sighed. It was getting late and they had barely made any progress. He could see the hints of frustration etching into Quiggle’s face as he sank into the […] Continue Reading…

The Anderson Dreams

The Anderson Dreams

The Anderson Dreams Recently uncovered in a disused well in Chad, two audio tapes give a great insight into the mind of impresario and noted Suffolk chipmunk breeder Kookie Anderson. […] Continue Reading…

Selected Addenda

Selected Addenda

Selected Addenda We’re all fallible. Even newspapers, those denizens of truth and equanimity, sometimes get things wrong. Here are just a few of the apologies that have been printed over […] Continue Reading…

The Rich List

The Rich List

The Rich List The annual publication of the UK “Rich List” is an eagerly awaited occasion, with much journalistic attention being given to its upper echelons. This, however, ignores the […] Continue Reading…

2.45 at Chepstow

2.45 at Chepstow

2.45 at Chepstow   ‘Well Tony, a lot of excitement about this race coming up.’ ‘Yes, and a big crowd here today for what should be a real test of Digger’s comeback […] Continue Reading…

The Gardener

The Gardener

The Gardener   ‘Step into the drawing room, would you, Harman.’ ‘Certainly, Mr. Wilkes.’ The gardener removed his cap, carefully wiped his boots on the rough mat by the back door, and made […] Continue Reading…

Time’s Arrow

Time’s Arrow

Time’s Arrow   17.7.2005 ‘Did you see the news last night?’ asked Elaine. ‘No,’ replied Cathy, ‘What happened?’ It was just after eleven o’clock and the two women were enjoying their weekly coffee at […] Continue Reading…

Infamous Last Words

Infamous Last Words

Infamous Last Words Last words are often overlooked and sometimes misquoted. Here is some attempt to set records straight.   “Or is it MC-cubed?” Albert Einstein   “I meant – no tongues.” Lord Nelson   “Bugger.” General Custer   “…” Marcel Marceau   “I […] Continue Reading…

Martian Wedding Anniversaries

Martian Wedding Anniversaries

Martian Wedding Anniversaries The following is the official list of gifts due to Martian couples. 1st : Rock 2nd : Rock 3rd : Rock 4th : Rock 5th : Rock 6th : Rock 7th : Rock 8th : Rock 9th : Rock 10th : Rock 11th : Rock 12th : Rock 13th : Rock 14th : Rock 15th […] Continue Reading…