Imperial? Likely. Scarlet? Probably. Crimson? Possibly. Spanish? Could be. Cardinal? Doubtful. Beckman sighed. He was bored of this game. It was red – that was the important thing. Except it wasn’t important, not in the slightest. He’d never even seen red – it was merely a word, a concept. It was a light, and it was a flickering light. That was the important thing – because it was pissing him off. Keeping him awake. Riling him. Mocking him. He rolled…
Jana was beginning to think that yesterday would have been a better day for it. But then, yesterday was a school day, so it had been out of the […] Continue Reading…
‘Supposing I said “Yes”?’ ‘That’s the general idea.’ ‘How long have we known each other?’ ‘Five months, three weeks, six days.’ ‘Could you at least try to not appear desperate?’ ‘Not funny.’ ‘How many women […] Continue Reading…
“I could get my sidearm and end it all now. It’s so close. The locker’s just behind me.” He turned his head indolently until his gaze fell upon the row […] Continue Reading…
Jamie Oliver was born Margaret Ig in deepest revolutionary France some fortyfew years ago. His early years were spent living in a lake, where his parents has taken up […] Continue Reading…
‘There are seventeen,’ said the salesman. Cameron Beg nodded. ‘Would you like to see the colour chart?’ continued the salesman, Simon Gillfish. Gillfish was a slim man with a penchant for icing […] Continue Reading…
‘What about a buffalo?’ asked Grig, shaven-headed focus of the New Flag Committee. ‘Buffalo?’ Jones, the smartly-dressed Home Minister was perplexed. ‘You know, a nice big fierce buffalo. In profile.’ ‘What does […] Continue Reading…
The works of little-known composer Ilya Drominivich, often regarded as impenetrably complex in their orchestration, have been the subject of little enlightening scrutinisation since his death in 1975. Now, […] Continue Reading…
Tallyjohn sighed. It was getting late and they had barely made any progress. He could see the hints of frustration etching into Quiggle’s face as he sank into the chair. Tallyjohn […] Continue Reading…
In 2018, Tarik Igbad of the Czech Republic was crowned World Rollerblading Champion. Little is known of this diminutive and foreign genius, but his enthusiasm and dedication to his […] Continue Reading…
For many generations, mankind has sought to forecast the weather, whether it be for personal interest or the public good. To put the latest development into context, we must […] Continue Reading…
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The annual publication of the UK “Rich List” is an eagerly awaited occasion, with much journalistic attention being given to its upper echelons. This, however, ignores the achievements of […] Continue Reading…
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‘Step into the drawing room, would you, Harman.’ ‘Certainly, Mr. Wilkes.’ The gardener removed his cap, carefully wiped his boots on the rough mat by the back door, and made his […] Continue Reading…
“The Illuminator” Good for : Reducing the “To Do” list Not recommended for : Use outdoors, overweight couples The man stands on the chair (recommend a sturdy kitchen-type chair, no wheels or […] Continue Reading…
Every year, more species on this wonderful and diverse planet pass into extinction, many without record or even a proper wake. To go some way to redressing that balance, […] Continue Reading…
The following is the official list of gifts due to Martian couples. 1st : Rock 2nd : Rock 3rd : Rock 4th : Rock 5th : Rock 6th : Rock 7th : Rock 8th : Rock 9th : Rock 10th : Rock 11th : Rock 12th : Rock 13th : Rock 14th : Rock 15th : Rock 16th […] Continue Reading…
Okay then, bye! Humph. Bastards. When they leave the dog behind, they say goodbye to that. But not me. Oh no. After all, what am I to them? Only their roof, their […] Continue Reading…
He couldn’t understand where the noise was coming from. The meadow was perfect Englishness – the grass almost too green, the sun high in the sky, the birds playing their […] Continue Reading…