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Tow Away Zone – Sample chapter

Tow Away Zone – Sample chapter

Imperial? Likely. Scarlet? Probably. Crimson? Possibly. Spanish? Could be. Cardinal? Doubtful. Beckman sighed. He was bored of this game. It was red – that was the important thing. Except it wasn’t important, not in the slightest. He’d never even seen red – it was merely a word, a concept. It was a light, and it was a flickering light. That was the important thing – because it was pissing him off. Keeping him awake. Riling him. Mocking him. He rolled…

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Reprisals – Sample chapter

Reprisals – Sample chapter

‘Supposing I said “Yes”?’ ‘That’s the general idea.’ ‘How long have we known each other?’ ‘Five months, three weeks, six days.’ ‘Could you at least try to not appear desperate?’ ‘Not funny.’ ‘How many women […] Continue Reading…

How Many Yellows Are There?

How Many Yellows Are There?

‘There are seventeen,’ said the salesman.  Cameron Beg nodded.  ‘Would you like to see the colour chart?’ continued the salesman, Simon Gillfish.  Gillfish was a slim man with a penchant for icing […] Continue Reading…

The New Flag

The New Flag

‘What about a buffalo?’ asked Grig, shaven-headed focus of the New Flag Committee. ‘Buffalo?’ Jones, the smartly-dressed Home Minister was perplexed. ‘You know, a nice big fierce buffalo. In profile.’ ‘What does […] Continue Reading…

Drominivich’s Fourth

Drominivich’s Fourth

The works of little-known composer Ilya Drominivich, often regarded as impenetrably complex in their orchestration, have been the subject of little enlightening scrutinisation since his death in 1975. Now, […] Continue Reading…

Alphabet Soup

Alphabet Soup

Tallyjohn sighed. It was getting late and they had barely made any progress. He could see the hints of frustration etching into Quiggle’s face as he sank into the chair. Tallyjohn […] Continue Reading…

Weather Ant

Weather Ant

For many generations, mankind has sought to forecast the weather, whether it be for personal interest or the public good. To put the latest development into context, we must […] Continue Reading…

The Anderson Dreams

The Anderson Dreams

Recently uncovered in a disused well in Chad, two audio tapes give a great insight into the mind of impresario and noted Suffolk chipmunk breeder Kookie Anderson. Anderson has […] Continue Reading…

The Rich List

The Rich List

The annual publication of the UK “Rich List” is an eagerly awaited occasion, with much journalistic attention being given to its upper echelons. This, however, ignores the achievements of […] Continue Reading…

2.45 at Chepstow

2.45 at Chepstow

‘Well Tony, a lot of excitement about this race coming up.’ ‘Yes, and a big crowd here today for what should be a real test of Digger’s comeback after his […] Continue Reading…

The Gardener

The Gardener

‘Step into the drawing room, would you, Harman.’ ‘Certainly, Mr. Wilkes.’ The gardener removed his cap, carefully wiped his boots on the rough mat by the back door, and made his […] Continue Reading…

Advanced Sexual Positions

Advanced Sexual Positions

“The Illuminator” Good for  :  Reducing the “To Do” list Not recommended for  :  Use outdoors, overweight couples The man stands on the chair (recommend a sturdy kitchen-type chair, no wheels or […] Continue Reading…

The way of the Dodo

The way of the Dodo

Every year, more species on this wonderful and diverse planet pass into extinction, many without record or even a proper wake. To go some way to redressing that balance, […] Continue Reading…

Martian Wedding Anniversaries

Martian Wedding Anniversaries

The following is the official list of gifts due to Martian couples.   1st : Rock 2nd : Rock 3rd : Rock 4th : Rock 5th : Rock 6th : Rock 7th : Rock 8th : Rock 9th : Rock 10th : Rock 11th : Rock 12th : Rock 13th : Rock 14th : Rock 15th : Rock 16th […] Continue Reading…