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Drominivich’s Fourth

Drominivich’s Fourth

The works of little-known composer Ilya Drominivich, often regarded as impenetrably complex in their orchestration, have been the subject of little enlightening scrutinisation since his death in 1975. Now, however, a critical dissection of his most under-performed work, the dark Fourth Symphony, has been uncovered. The reviewer, music journalist Arnold Hiccup, analysed all Drominivich’s works, but this article, shedding light on one of the Isle Of Man composer’s later masterpieces, gives the most insight into the life and mind of…

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Alphabet Soup

Alphabet Soup

Tallyjohn sighed. It was getting late and they had barely made any progress. He could see the hints of frustration etching into Quiggle’s face as he sank into the chair. Tallyjohn tapped his fingers agitatedly on the meeting room’s plain round table. Quiggle sat down opposite. ‘This is like painting the Forth Bridge,’ he sighed. ‘The what?’ asked Tallyjohn. It was 1487 and the Forth Bridge hadn’t been built yet. ‘Never mind,’ replied the blonde-eyebrowed Quiggle, Language Advisor to the…

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Weather Ant

Weather Ant

For many generations, mankind has sought to forecast the weather, whether it be for personal interest or the public good. To put the latest development into context, we must briefly look at how weather forecasting has evolved through history. The United Kingdom provides the sternest examination of the forecaster’s art, with its unique location and dreadfully dull inhabitants who seem unduly preoccupied with the clemency or otherwise of the conditions.  Early cave paintings, discovered recently in Bromley, depict a man…

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The Rich List

The Rich List

The annual publication of the UK “Rich List” is an eagerly awaited occasion, with much journalistic attention being given to its upper echelons. This, however, ignores the achievements of some of its less well-publicised members. In order to go some way to redress this balance, there follows an excerpt from the 2017 List.     Ranked No. 1876 J. Simon Harpenden, Bricklayer Just pipped by the Spum brothers, Mr Harpenden has nevertheless had a very successful year, if a sad…

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The Gardener

The Gardener

‘Step into the drawing room, would you, Harman.’ ‘Certainly, Mr. Wilkes.’ The gardener removed his cap, carefully wiped his boots on the rough mat by the back door, and made his way to the opulent room, its cool shade a relief from his labours. Quickly he was joined by his employer, dressed as usual in his tweed three piece suit. There was a moment’s silence, and Harman was a little apprehensive, being unused to an invitation into the house. He…

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Advanced Sexual Positions

Advanced Sexual Positions

“The Illuminator” Good for  :  Reducing the “To Do” list Not recommended for  :  Use outdoors, overweight couples The man stands on the chair (recommend a sturdy kitchen-type chair, no wheels or cushions) with his buttocks against the chair back. The woman gets onto the chair and stands facing away from the man. The woman bends over until her back is at a 45 degree angle. When the man has attained a comfortable position, he changes the light bulb.   “The Surf…

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