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Tag: surreal stories

How Many Yellows Are There?

How Many Yellows Are There?

‘There are seventeen,’ said the salesman.  Cameron Beg nodded.  ‘Would you like to see the colour chart?’ continued the salesman, Simon Gillfish.  Gillfish was a slim man with a penchant for icing sugar, and would be thirty-six in four years time. He reached onto the wall-mounted rack and pulled out the folded glossy, opening it to allow his customer to see. Beg’s eye roved over the small coloured squares set in a single row across the middle of the pamphlet….

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The New Flag

The New Flag

‘What about a buffalo?’ asked Grig, shaven-headed focus of the New Flag Committee. ‘Buffalo?’ Jones, the smartly-dressed Home Minister was perplexed. ‘You know, a nice big fierce buffalo. In profile.’ ‘What does that represent?’ asked Bell, the Foreign Minister. ‘Well, buffaloes,’ said Grig. Bell furrowed his deep brow and took another sip of what should have been coffee but wasn’t. He needed a moment to think, make sure he wasn’t missing something. Polonius Grig was a respected flag designer, and…

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The Rich List

The Rich List

The annual publication of the UK “Rich List” is an eagerly awaited occasion, with much journalistic attention being given to its upper echelons. This, however, ignores the achievements of some of its less well-publicised members. In order to go some way to redress this balance, there follows an excerpt from the 2017 List.     Ranked No. 1876 J. Simon Harpenden, Bricklayer Just pipped by the Spum brothers, Mr Harpenden has nevertheless had a very successful year, if a sad…

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Advanced Sexual Positions

Advanced Sexual Positions

“The Illuminator” Good for  :  Reducing the “To Do” list Not recommended for  :  Use outdoors, overweight couples The man stands on the chair (recommend a sturdy kitchen-type chair, no wheels or cushions) with his buttocks against the chair back. The woman gets onto the chair and stands facing away from the man. The woman bends over until her back is at a 45 degree angle. When the man has attained a comfortable position, he changes the light bulb.   “The Surf…

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